Be warned, dear reader, this is a grumbly post. 1

This song just perfectly sums up my day:

My platonic ideal of a rain forest is a place where I just run away to and live like the Swiss Family Robinson. I, along with my family and monkey pals, would bask in the warm tropical sun and play on the beach every day. I realize none of that makes any logical sense, but there you have it. 2 If you ever hear me say, “Oh, screw this, I’m running away to the rain forest” you’ll know what I’m talking about.

There was nothing tragic about today, nothing catastrophic. 3 Just a bunch of things that all needed urgent attention and prevented other things which were damn nearly almost as urgent from getting done. It wasn’t a bad day, it’s just that, as the song suggests, “just can’t seem to get it right today.”

Please forgive the following litany.  This is as much catharsis for me as it is schadenfreude for you.  ;)

1. Lady at the post office.  It was 4:45pm.  Everyone’s in a hurry.  I had just performed one transaction and declined all the extras.  No stamps, no commemorative anythings, no packing materials, it was an envelope.  My second transaction was equally simple.  And yet, you felt compelled to go through it all over again.  Overnight?  No.  Second day?  No.  Stamps?  No, no thank you.  Anything else?  No, thank you.  Anything at all?  I swear upon all I hold holy, I actually said, “Well, now that you mention it, I’d like to ship this overnight via kangaroo.”  Her response: Um, I don’t think we can do that.  “Oh.  Okay, then.  Well, whatever’s cheapest then.”  It’s the line at the post office, not your five minutes of stand up comedy.  People don’t like the post office.  They only reason they rush there is because they want to get out even faster.
2. A client called with a support question. 4 5 6  Look, it’s a web based service – if I can run it properly in my browser you can too.  The thing where you can’t reach the internet?  Yeah, I can’t help you with that. 78
3. Brand new coffee table.  Why must you bang my shins so much?  You’re only a single 1cm taller and wider than my old one.  Was I truly that in tune with the dao of the old coffee table that I never banged my shins on it? 9
4. My dear dear dear craptop.  I rescued you almost three years ago from your former owner.  You’ve been my loyal companion since then.  Your plus sign/equal sign button doesn’t work10 , you look like you went ten rounds with a toddler with a two by four, you’re missing hinges, the optical drive only works half the time, and your battery lasts less than five minutes.  But, you’re lightweight and run Windows XP and have all my stuff on your harddrive. 11  You’ve caught some kind of messed up browser hijacker that screws with my search engine results.  Now I never know if I’m going to be redirected to some kind of shenanigans just for looking something up. 12  I’ve tried Ad-aware, HijackThis!, and Malwarebytes’ Anti-Malware without success.  At first it only affected Firefox, now it’s hijacked Internet Explorer too. 13
5. Oh, I could go on…  but I actually feel somewhat better.  Thanks for listening internets.  You’re my only friend.

1. Got to love the foreshadowing with the subject, eh? [↩]
2. Seriously, this post is actually in the category “Random Nonsense” [↩]
3. That was last week. Har har. [↩]
4. Totally different website, totally different service, no relation to this. [↩]
5. I tell you what though, you should see the crap I say about you guys over on THAT website! [↩]
6. I’m just kidding.  No one reads that one either. [↩]
7. I swear to god, I actually put that in the contract.  I mean, you have to, right?  It’s a web service – BYOI. [↩]
8. Bring your own internets [↩]
9. One of my favorite stories about the dao is how there’s this butcher with a knife that never needs sharpening.  As the story goes, the butcher is so in tune with the knife, the meat, the bone, and his work that he never hits anything but the meat – so he never needs to sharpen his blade. [↩]
10. Which makes programming a total bitch, BTW [↩]
11. I wish I knew how to quit you. [↩]
12. I just want to know what the hell a “whistle pig” is?!!! [↩]
13. Yeah.  It got that bad.  So bad I used Internet <shudder> explorer.> [↩]